Decemystery (2019) Bonus Entry: Telepathic Football

A sketch of the peculiar creature.

Merry Christmas! Or Happy Christmas? Merry Holidays? I forget what the kids these days are saying. Ah well, y’know what today is. It’s Christmas Day—at least for me it is. Enough with the semantics though, we’ve got a mystery to begin! So let’s not waste any more time and dive into the Telepathic Football.

Tom Brady Didn't Run the Ball: The Mystery of the Telepathic Football

Our story takes place on January 12, 2002 in Villa San Rafael Calama, Chile. Two teens named Jean J. and Nelson C. The two were out searching for Jean’s pet snake, which had escaped from its cage. As such, they began an expedition to find the missing snake, only to discover something else entirely.

At first, it appeared to be a stray dog. Not desiring a possible mauling, the two picked up some rocks and threw it at the animal. However, the dog didn’t show any sense of fear and instead began to approach them. The movements it made were described as “strange” and it isn’t hard to see why. The creature moved by moving two legs at a time; it made short, slight leaps in a similar manner to that of a rabbit. Then, to the astonishment of the two teens, the creature stood up.

Jean and Nelson both felt something course through them, which they described as:

“It was like an electrical shock in the stomach.”

At this point, the creature began to walk again (though now it was bipedal). It also began to make what the teens described as a “loud dragging sound.” It also continued to make small leaps and only used one of its legs (to which Jean and Nelson speculated it might’ve been injured when they threw rocks at it). It was also now that they realized something really weird about the creature.

It was shaped like a Rugby football.

And that’s where the story ends, at least according to the cryptidz wiki. Now granted, seeing a bipedal-dog-thing that can walk on two legs isn’t exactly how I’d like my day to go. Though what of that “telepathic” part. This is the Telepathic Football, no? Well, supposedly, after the creature stood up, Nelson claimed to hear something come from the creature.

“Don’t stare, just run away.”

Now if I’m to be honest, that sounds like fight-or-flight kicking into overdrive.

Though it seems that to Nelson, this was the creature warning them. Presumably, given they reported this story, they did in fact run away. Whether or not Jean’s snake was ever found is unknown.

Now in the way of its full appearance, the creature was described by Nelson as having the head of a large dog with a nose that was flat like that of a bulldog. Its eyes were pale-red and slanted, so much in fact that he could only see them when its head was turned. He went on to state that its ears were flat, round, and fairly large. It sported arms, which were short, and its hands had three fingers on them. It also had hair, which Nelson claimed was similar to the hair a wild pig would have. Its legs, meanwhile, similar to those of a goat, and its feet also had three digits on them. It also had a membrane like that of a duck, but a bit shorter. On one final note: the creature had a tail, which the teens stated looked to be three times as thick as a dogs tail, but it was also very short. They guessed it was five centimeters long.

To date, there haven’t been any other sightings of this weird creature. As such, let’s move onto the theories.

Theories

1. It was an alien

Touchdown; the first theory is that it was an alien. This is naturally the first thought one would have when seeing a creature such as this, though I cannot say that I’ve never heard of an alien that looks like a Rugby football. It’s definitely a new shape for our extraterrestrial brethren, though I don’t think it’ll catch on. Nonetheless, this would explain why this entity was only seen once. Presumably, it got in contact with its species and it was rescued after almost being stoned to death. Though given the lack of concrete evidence for the existence of aliens, this is merely speculation.

2. It was a cryptid

Theory two is that it was a cryptid of some sort. The Chupacabra, Mothman, or any other enigmatic creature of the world. I once again must say that I don’t know of any cryptid that resembles something like this thing. To put it simply: this thing is so bizarrely shaped—and looks so weird—that I’ve tried to think of anything that looks like it. Maybe I’m missing a cryptid, but the closest that comes to mind is the Dover Demon and… well, look at this thing.

Now look at this other drawing of the Telepathic Football.

I think that this is insulting the Dover Demon a hundred ways from Sunday while dancing on its grave.

If you have any idea of a cryptid that looks anything like this thing, I’d love to know because otherwise, I’m compelled to go with our third theory.

3. It was a hoax

Our final theory is that it was just faked. Nothing more, nothing less. Teenagers can be devils and given that this creature sounds so fantastical, one wouldn’t be surprised if it was all faked for attention.

My Take

I have heard many, many different kinds of alien encounters. A few days ago, we discussed the Ririe Carjackers. By comparison, this one is quite benign, though in the way of appearance, I’ve never heard of an alien that looks so… odd. One of my first thoughts when I read the description of it was that it was the Chupacabra, but it lacks the trademark spikes (though the teens did claim it had “spots of thicker fur” that ran along its spinal column). The Chupacabra also has a more predominant snout and not a small one.

That said, there are those that claim the Chupacabra has the ability to communicate telepathically—at least one kind of Chupacabra does. Though more often than not, it’s a wild animal and not something that warns you to not look at it like it’s an embarrassed person who was caught naked. As such, I’m going to hazard a guess and say that either these two lads were lying, saw a really drunk person, or saw an alien. Or maybe Chile has sapient Rugby balls. The world these days never ceases to amaze me.

Conclusion

I wrote this entry after I got home from a family get together. My hands were freezing. As such: this entry is likely not the sharpest of the bunch this month. Nonetheless, I hope you all enjoyed it and I hope your Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Holidays are amazing. Thanks as always for reading!