Decemystery (2020) 31: N.U.G.E.T.

 

Welcome to the capstone story for this year’s Decemystery, dear reader. I wanted to make it a story that you would never forget. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the time or energy to do the original story. That’s okay though because I’ll get to it early next year if I’m not dead from COVID-19. Also, I found an equally fascinating story. It’s another tale from the Conspiracy Iceberg and it’s a heck of a trip.

N.U.G.E.T. is a story that really piqued my interest because of its name. With an enigmatic tale like that, you’d immediately suspect something tied to espionage. Interestingly, it included it—kind of. While the details on this story are limited, there’s enough that it doesn’t end up a hazy mess like the Mariana Trench Bone Pit. So let’s take a little dive into this story and see what the truth is.

The Story

Our story goes as follows according to some folks on 4Chan. Supposedly, in 1990, there was a really terrible children’s film that was released named “Spinosaurus”. There aren’t any details on what entailed in it, but it’s stated that it was an attempt to low-key tell the public about how there are dinosaurs that are alive and well in southeast Asia, but that it was directly because of them that North Vietnam defeated both South Vietnam and the United States.

This attempt at humiliating America caught the ear of the all-seeing Fed though. Once it did, they realized that the release of this apparently abysmal kids movie threatened America’s global military hegemony (at least, that’s how a 4Chan user put it) and how we view prehistory. Because of this national security threat, the Central Intelligence Agency decided to be useful and created a shadowy group called N.U.G.E.T.

What exactly that “N.U.G.E.T.” stands for, I don’t know, but I like to think it stands for “National United Gentlemen’s Elite Taskforce”. That’s just me though; tell me what you think it stands for in the comments section! Anyways, let’s get back on track.

The purpose of N.U.G.E.T. was to act as movie critics and pan the film; give the most scathing, negative reviews possible. That would, in turn, deter anyone from seeing the film and to destroy the careers and reputations of all who worked on the film. As such, America’s reputation wouldn’t be tarnished by their soldiers being eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex and their planes being destroyed by Ornithocheirus. At least, that’s what I’m guessing happened. Also, I know Ornithocheirus was a pterosaur and not a dinosaur, but I don’t care. Let’s not apply too much logic to a story like this.

Anywhoozle: this plot apparently worked as the film ended up being a massive flop and no home video copies were made. As such, the film reels were seized by N.U.G.E.T. and brought back to the United States. It’s at home where some of the story ideas from Spinosaurus caught the eye/ear of Michael Crichton, who proceeded to write his legendary novel “Jurassic Park”. At least, I’m guessing Crichton was the one who caught wind of the plot. In the 4Chan post, it’s stated that the ideas were repurposed as ideas for Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of the novel. I don’t know how faithful the film is to the novel, but I’m going to guess that the poster forgot that the film is an adaptation.

Though who knows. Maybe Crichton heard about Spinosaurus, contacted David Koepp, and the two used the film as the basis for some changes to the novel’s feature film adaptation. Whatever the case may be, that’s the story of N.U.G.E.T. and, likewise, how the CIA apparently took down a really bad kid’s film so the United States wouldn’t be humiliated. It’s a quirk story to be sure, but what’s the truth behind it? Well, let’s jump into the theories to find out!

Theories

1. It relates to Spinosaurus

Our first theory is that the conspiracy relates to Spinosaurus.

The CIA is behind a great many things. I mean, it’s kind of an open secret at this point. Everyone knows that the CIA has its tendrils everywhere and as such, it wouldn’t necessarily be a surprise that they’d do something like this. Though what are the real odds of it? 

Well, let’s see. The CIA made a shadowy group so they could review bomb a garbage-tier film in order to purge evidence that the Vietcong used dinosaurs to fight the U.S. Army. As crazy as that may sound, it actually makes sense if you consider their ingenious idea of using LSD as a truth drug. Though I shouldn’t say that too loud. They may take me away to use me for their Golf Experiments.

So I guess that’s what this theory entails. Just think about what the CIA has done in the past and all will suddenly make sense!

2. It’s just nonsense

For our second theory, we have the idea that it’s all just nonsense.

What a surprise, a mystery where people think it’s just nonsense. Well, I mean, it’s realistic given what we have covered over the course of this write-up. Like I said during the first theory: just ask yourself about what the CIA has done in the past. Suddenly, all makes sense.

Sunglasses Emoji Goes Here.

3. Ted Nugent

Hah, just kidding.

My Take

Realistically, I think that this story is yet another one that was made up for the Conspiracy Iceberg. I know, that’s the third time I’ve said that, though the only reason I say that is I don’t really understand why the CIA would bother taking action against a film that was “poorly made” and “amateurish”. Unless the content was really that damning, I think it’s a waste of time. Though hey, I mean, it is the CIA. They’re nothing if not great at wasting time.

Conclusion

With that, Decemystery 2020 comes to an end. I honestly wish that this year was a lot more than what it was, but I can’t say that I’m upset at myself. The fact I didn’t give up part-way through surprises me. It was a chaotic, messy year and a really bad month for myself, but given that we’re now done, I’m going to take a vacation. I may post some movie/video game reviews here and there, but I doubt I will post a sizable write-up until sometime near the very, very end of January or in February. So, until next time, stay safe dear reader and I will see you in 2021!