“Now I’ve heard it all.”
These are five words I’ve thought and said to myself many times in my life. Yet, every time I listen to a video centered on unsolved mysteries, cryptozoology, or paranormal events, I’m proven wrong. I had not, in fact, heard it all. In fact, I wasn’t even close.
Today’s story is a prime example of that truth; you think there’s no way for life to surprise you anymore, but then it throws a curveball. The Mexican Tongue Monster is a story that, by all accounts, sounds like the nickname for an exotic Mexican dish. However, that isn’t the case. It’s a cryptid, and it embodies everything I love about unorthodox naming conventions.
Finger Lickin’ Good
I found today’s mystery on sustained_disgust’s Obscure Unsolved Mysteries Iceberg. In fact, I think it was one of the very first stories I found that I wanted to write about; this one and Horse Ostrich, I believe. Anyways, if you’re into mysteries, go check that Iceberg out. It’s insane how many great stories there are. But fishing reading this article first because I put a whole day’s worth of effort into it!
Anyways, this story was initially submitted back in January 2009 by a man named “Adam G” to paranormal.about.com. The website appears to be defunct nowadays, which is unfortunate. I may need to look for more stories that were archived, though, since if they’re all as wild as this one, I have a goldmine to dig through.
Now then, onto today’s mystery proper. Back in the summer of 1995, Adam—who was 9 years old at the time—went on vacation. At least, Adam thinks it was in the summer of ‘95, but he states he isn’t certain. Anyways, every two years, he and his family would typically go to Disney World. Unfortunately, his mom has grown tired of going there; I guess Mickey Mouse can be tiring to any adult. God knows I’ve grown sick of him since I’m a NASCAR fan. You have no idea how hard it is to not type “Mickey Elliott” nowadays, dear reader.
Despite not going to Disney World (much to Adam and his sister’s disappointment), he and his family still went to Florida that year. Specifically, they went to the “bottom tip.” I’m not precisely sure where they went, but Miami and the Florida Everglades (where the Skunk Ape is said to reside) are both down there. So I’d hazard a guess and say they were in one of those two areas.
Although the specific location wasn’t known, the first of two odd encounters occurred at the beach. While out soaking up the sun’s rays and enjoying that good old sea breeze, a woman who was near Adam and his family pointed past them and asked, “What is that?” Turning to look, they noticed something rather odd.
Upon getting closer, Adam and several other people noticed a creature that, as Adam described it, looked “cartoonish.” In our beachgoing author’s own words:
It was green and looked like a ball of slime about the size of a basketball. It had tentacles resting on the ground around it with two longer tail-like tentacles sticking out of its back. The thing that was the most bizarre and made it look cartoonish were its eyes, which were on stalks that stood about a foot off its body. The eyes looked creepily human and just looked at us in an almost disinterested way. The other strange thing about it was its mouth, which never seemed to close, and where you'd expect teeth were tooth-shaped fleshy protrusions. No one, not even the creature, seemed scared, and after a while it lazily slithered back into the ocean.
In total, around ten people saw the creature, and once it departed the sandy plane, they discussed what it might have been. One idea put forward was it may have been a parasitic organism for a larger (and possibly unknown) creature. Whatever it was, it was never conclusively identified, nor was it ever seen again, as I’m unaware of any other sightings of something like it.
That’s the first story, and if you’re wondering why it’s there, then welcome to the club. It’s an interesting little tale, but it’s not why we’re here. No, we’re here for the titular tongue monster, which is what comes next. I suppose you could consider the basketball-sized green sea critter to be the short that plays before a lot of Disney movies. I guess Adam really did get to go to Disney World after all!
Anyways, the tale doesn’t center on Adam himself, but rather his parents, aunt, and uncle. It took place “two years ago,” so that would put it in 2007. I don’t remember a lot from 2007 outside of George W. Bush still being President and Spider-Man 3 being the thing I was super hyped for (and subsequently being incredibly disappointed by it, even at the age of 11).
Anywhoozle, Adam’s parents planned a trip to Mexico since it was his aunt and uncle’s anniversary; Adam wasn’t invited “since it was apparently dangerous there for tourists.” As a result, the hotel his parents were staying at had a chauffeur take them wherever they wanted to go. I don’t know if this is a thing that’s done in parts of Mexico, so if any of my Mexican readers (or readers who’ve taken trips to Mexico) can vouch for it, I’d love to know.
One day, roughly halfway through their trip, Adam’s parents were headed back to their hotel. The ride back consisted of them, some other tourists, and their chauffeur. During the drive, they drove through some farmland; when passing through a pig farm, one of the other tourists spotted something outside and asked, “What’s that?”
In response, the driver pulled over, and the tourists all looked out the window. According to Adam, this is what they saw:
They all looked out the window and under the light of a street lamp they saw a creature walk out from behind some trees sneaking up behind some pigs. They said it stood four to four-and-a-half feet tall. It walked on all fours, its front legs taller than its back legs. The front legs ended with long, curved claws, like a sloths, and it walked on them like a monkey walks on its knuckles. It was gray with black on its back with a white line going down its spine, like a skunk, and it had a long head, like an anteater.
I can’t believe that two stories I’ve covered this month have featured creatures that purportedly looked like anteaters. The other one will be going up on the 15th, and trust me, you’ll know what it is when you see the header image for the write-up.
The description of that creature is, on its own, incredibly bizarre, but what came next is even weirder. According to Adam, the thing that really caught the attention of those in the car was the creature’s tongue. It was described as being “Thick and round,” unlike most other animals, which have relatively flat tongues. This thing’s tongue also “ended with an inward curve like the letter J” and dangled “just a couple of inches from the ground.” I’m not a zoologist, but I don’t believe there to be any animal that looks quite like this, let alone has a tongue like this. That said, the J-shaped tongue does kind of make me think of a frog or gecko when they catch flies.
Enraptured by this aberration of nature, the group watched as the monster crept toward a pig, stopping right back it. Yeah, I can’t really imagine this thing being as sneaky as a ninja, but hey: I guess anything can be stealthy if the circumstances are right. Anyways, once it was behind the pig, the creature pounced—or rather, its tongue did.
Indeed, this thing’s tongue performed the attack; according to Adam, the tongue “jumped to life” and proceeded to strike the pig in its rear end. When this happened, the pig squealed before it collapsed to the ground. Adam pondered if the creature’s tongue injected some sort of venom. I have no idea if there are any venomous tongues—or if any animal uses it to attack. As far as I’m aware, the answer is no, but I’d love to find out if I’m wrong.
Also, I am so sorry for using the word “tongue” so much.
After seeing this, the driver put the pedal to the metal and sped off. A short while later, they discussed what they saw. According to the driver, it was “El Chupacabras.” Whether or not anyone in the vehicle agreed isn’t said, but Adam states that it doesn’t sound like any description of the infamous cryptid he’s heard. Rather, he calls it “The Mexican Tongue Monster.”
On one final note, Adam’s parents, aunt, and uncle all drew what they saw separately (presumably to see if it wasn’t some hallucination). According to Adam, their drawings were “practically identical.” Sadly, none of them are included in the original article, so we only have the description he provided up above.
That’s where the story ends; I tried to look for more information online, but I couldn’t find anything. From what I can tell, this story is one-of-a-kind, which is a shame because the idea of a Chupacabra using its tongue to kill farm animals is quite fascinating. Anyways, due to the lack of additional information, we’ll be jumping right into the theories.
Theories
1. It was a cryptid
Our first theory is that it was a cryptid—specifically El Chupacabra. The Goatsucker; one of the most iconic cryptids in the world. I was obsessed with this thing when I was younger and would watch countless TV shows that covered it. I borrowed books from the library to read up on it; this thing was, without a doubt, my favorite cryptid as a child—or at least one of them. It still remains one of my favorite cryptids, though my interest has waned, given my adoration for ol’ Mothman. What can I say? Winged terrors are my jam.
The legend of El Chupacabra is rivaled only by the countless theories that surround it. An escaped government experiment, an alien or alien pet, an undiscovered canid, a coyote or dog with mange, and a hybrid are but some of the theories put forth to explain it. This thing covers practically every base you could imagine when it comes to an unknown creature; it’s a conspiracy, a cryptid, and whatever you want to have the skeptic community be.
But wait, there’s more! For you see, El Chupacabra isn’t just a singular cryptid. Nay, there are two famous depictions of the creature: a reptilian humanoid with spikes running down its back that can emit a strange sound that can cause you to faint. Then there’s the more commonly cited canid form—which still sports spikes that run down its back.
As far as I know, there are some other peculiar creatures that have been referred to as Chupacabra. I’ve listened to scary story YouTube channels that have involved weird creatures seen on and around farmland called Chupacabra, even though they looked nothing like the aforementioned two descriptions. This story is yet another example of that—in my eyes.
This theory hinges on whether or not you consider stories like this to be that of a much more famous cryptid. Much like how people will call any strange sound or odd shape in the forest to be the work of a Skinwalker, it’s entirely on you if you think a weird-looking animal that used its tongue to kill a pig is El Chupacabra.
2. It was an alien
To be truthful, this theory and the next one are both ones I made up. I did this because El Chupacabra itself is, as mentioned above, theorized to be an alien and government experiment; I figured that it stands to reason that there be more to the theories than just “it’s real” and “it’s fake.”
Aliens can be blamed for just about anything in the world. Weird lights in the sky? Aliens. Crop circles? Aliens. Person goes missing? Aliens. You can pin practically anything on them—well, except your debt.
Exactly where the theory that El Chupacabra is an alien originates from is something I don’t know. I recall hearing about it when I was young, so I know it’s not some new explanation. I think it might be because people claim they saw strange lights in the sky prior to a rash of cattle mutilations. As obvious as that may be, I don’t recall if this is the case, so take it with a grain of salt.
Nevertheless, some believe the creature to either be an alien or, in some more oddly light-hearted versions, an alien pet. In the case of the former version, aliens have been blamed for a lot of cattle mutilations. The surgical precision of some cases, plus the lack of any blood on the ground or damaged tissue, has led some to think aliens are killing our cattle. This also extends to some cases of human mutilation (like one very infamous case from Brazil), but I digress.
The alien pet theory is one that might be a bit more of a joke, but I remember hearing about it when I was younger. Honestly, it’s sad to imagine abandoning your pet on another planet. It’s also a rather bizarre thing to do, especially since you couldn’t figure out what it’s up to. Though, hey, aliens: they can do practically anything. So who knows, maybe every animal it kills transmits data about Earth.
As a brief addendum: there’s a lot more to the idea that aliens are behind instances of cattle mutilation, so if that interests you, I highly recommend looking more into it. I don’t do it justice here, and I doubt I ever will. Still, it’s something I would like to try and cover one day. Though I doubt it’d be anytime soon.
3. It was some government experiment/mutant
The story of El Chupacabra originates from Puerto Rico, a United States territory. The idea is that the creature was made in a lab—or something like that—and then got loose. If you look at the way sightings have grown, it’s progressively spread from Puerto Rico to Mexico and the southern United States. It’s like a virus, only in a cattle-killing cryptid form.
This theory relies very, very heavily on two things. The first is your stance on your trust in the US government and whether you think they would make some crazy monster like El Chupacabra.
If you believe they would, then comes the second stance: do you believe they’d make different versions of it. If you do, then that’ll likely determine your stance on this theory. Of course, you can ask why they would make such a creature, but when it comes to theories involving the US government, the answer is usually “a weapon” or “just cause.”
4. It was all made up
Never let it be said that you can’t easily fake seeing a weird creature on the Internet. If you have the slightest grasp on how to tell a reasonably grounded story, you can fool countless people with incredible ease.
This theory, as is the case with just about every cryptid story, is just that: the story was fabricated to fool folks. Why? Any number of reasons, be it to simply troll or see if they could get their story spread around. Judging by how obscure this story is, I would say it was a resounding failure.
5. It was Gene Simmons
All I’m just sayin’ is I haven’t seen him and this tongue monster in the same room together.
My Take
Before we get into my thoughts on the tongue monster, I want to mention that slime creature. I honestly don’t know what it might have been. At first, I figured it might have been a Salp (picture below), but I’m unsure if they wash up on Florida’s beaches. On top of that, while they do share some similarities, they lack eyes that are on stalks. I must admit: this one stumps me. Unless Adam is misremembering some stuff, but who knows. The ocean is a big place, and there are plenty of weird animals that are just waiting to be discovered.
Now onto the main course. You know, I’m 99% sure that this so-called “tongue monster” thing is just the Pokémon Lickitung or its evolved form, Lickilicky. I mean, just look at ‘em!
Just slap on a Poison or Dark subtype, and you’re good to go!
In all seriousness, this is a really tough story to come to a conclusion on. It definitely isn’t like any animal I’m familiar with, nor is it like any cryptid I’ve heard of—let alone any depiction of El Chupacabra. That said, Mexico—along with vast swaths of Latin America and most (if not all) of the southern United States is said to be where the beast resides. And if this isn’t completely made up, I would be willing to say that it could be one. Sure, it breaks any and all conventions of the monster’s normally vampiric nature, but it’s just about the only thing I can say aside from outright dismissing the whole thing.
That may make me sound gullible, but I honestly can’t think of any rational explanation, not outside of it being a hoax. And quite frankly, I’m a believer in El Chupacabra (I know a fair number of my friends will laugh at that), so I’m willing to be heavily biased with this story. Now if my friends were to ever comment on what I write, I guarantee quite a few of them will heckle me for believing in a blood-drinking, cattle-killing canid. But that’ll never happen. Trust me, dear reader. =)
Conclusion
Well, that was a fun experience. It certainly lived up to the strange and rather offbeat name. What did you think, dear reader? Feel free to let me know in the comments, and as always, stay happy, stay healthy, and thank you for reading!
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