If there’s one thing I enjoy, it’s a good scary story—be it short or long. I’ve said that before, and I will repeat it as many times as I can because it’s the unvarnished truth. Horror has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember; I attribute it to reading the Goosebumps books as a child; the delightfully creepy tales that R.L. Stine weaved were among my favorites. Heck, I still have fond memories of them. I always have, and dang it, I always will!
My friends, on the other hand, are generally not as keen on the genre. Some of them are, but more than a few have told me that some of the cases I’ve covered creep them out. I don’t see what the big deal is. How can you not enjoy stories of people seeing monstrosities that, if proven to exist, would reshape what we know about Earth?
Okay, perhaps that’s a bad question to ask, especially when we’re discussing my friends, who you likely know nothing about. What I can safely say, though, is that today’s Decemystery entry is one that’s as creepy as it is absolutely bewildering. In other words, it’s the norm for this blog. If you expect anything to be normal, you made a wrong turn on Google, Bing, DuckDuckGo, or whatever search engine you use.
As for the story itself, it comes to us from archives of About—the website that I’m sure I’ll give its own tag because of how frequently I visit it. Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Maybe I’ll do that at some point after I’ve finished this year’s Decemystery (assuming I remember to do it).
Anyway, let’s get to the story. Suffice it to say, the thing that caught my eye was the name, and I have to imagine that you, dear reader, also saw that title and either went, “I’m not reading that,” or “Oh, I’m so reading that.” If you fall into the latter category, then come along; it’s time to head to the American Southwest to investigate the case of The Skinless, Yellow-Eyed Creature of Arizona!
It Puts the Lotion on its Lack of Skin
This story was posted to About in March of 2009 by a man named Styles under the title “Skinless Yellow-Eyed Creature.” Given I added “of Arizona” to the title of this write-up, I think you can guess where the story took place. Hint: It wasn’t Wisconsin.
According to Styles, this occurred in Phoenix, Arizona, in the mid-1990s. If I had to take a guess, I’d say that this took place anywhere between 1994 and 1996 or 1997. That puts this story at around my age. Keep that in mind for later.
Despite this story being submitted by Styles, he wasn’t the eyewitness. Rather, it happened to one of his best friends, who Styles notes isn’t much of a storyteller. For this write-up, I’ll be referring to him as Ethan.
According to Styles, Ethan was “out at a party on the southside of Phoenix.” During the party, Ethan “could hear a police siren in the distance.” However, because this was Phoenix, the sounds of police sirens were common due to gang activity. I did a quick Google search, and Wikipedia mentioned that Phoenix’s murder rate peaked in 1993. I had no idea Phoenix was such a violent place in the 1990s.
Anyway, Ethan initially paid no mind to the police siren due to how commonplace it was. However, he soon “felt surprise” once he heard not only police sirens but fire engines, too. This led him to wonder if a car chase was happening. Call me crazy, but I don’t think fire engines are involved in police pursuits.
Also, to briefly digress, I have to wonder why Ethan would be surprised by the sound of police sirens in a major city. While it’s possible the number of sirens he heard was more than he was accustomed to hearing, I still think that hearing police sirens in a place where—according to Styles—gang activity was prevalent wouldn’t be met with less surprise.
Alternatively, there could have been a severe car accident. I know that most (if not all) car wrecks are met with all kinds of emergency services. Heck, when I went to the emergency room once, a fire truck showed up. Or maybe it was there for some other reason, but I’d like to think I was worth the presence of the fire department.
Regardless, my point is that this little detail perplexes me—especially as someone who grew up visiting major cities frequently. Granted, I don’t know what the southside of Phoenix was like geographically in the mid-1990s, but if this were a city, I doubt this would be abnormal. Maybe it was (and possibly still is) for Phoenix, though. After all, Arizona’s a very arid region.
Anyway, digression over; now, back to our regularly scheduled mystery.
After an unknown amount of time, Ethan opted to leave the party. According to Styles, Ethan wasn’t “having a good time” and felt tired—which makes sense as it was around 2:00 a.m. when Ethan left. That said, I question what made the party a poor experience for Ethan, but I digress.
Setting aside Ethan’s enjoyment of the party, he got into his car and began his drive home (don’t worry, Styles notes that Ethan doesn’t drink). Styles goes on to quote Ethan, saying he “was heading north” on 7th Street.
Out of curiosity, I went to Google Maps to find out where this street was. As far as I can tell, the only 7th Street is North 7th Street. This isn’t a major issue; I think Styles meant to type that Ethan was driving along North 7th Street. However, it’s here where things get confusing.
According to Ethan, he was driving to: “Basline Road.” Like before, I decided to see where this road was. To my bewilderment, no such road in Phoenix exists. There is, however, a “Baseline Road,” and it’s located south of North 7th Street. It’s a mere 25 minutes from North 7th Street.
Maybe I’m misreading things, but if Ethan was driving north on North 7th Street, he would have departed from Baseline Road. The only way this could make an iota of sense is if Ethan was on the Maricopa Freeway, which extends east of Baseline Road. However, it doesn’t, because the very next thing he said was that he saw “a line of cop cars” speed by on Central Avenue.
North Central Avenue (the actual name of the road) isn’t near Baseline Road. It’s 15 minutes from it and 18 minutes from North 7th Street. Unless Styles relayed what Ethan said in the worst manner possible, I don’t see how Ethan could have gone the route Styles took.
Though, hey, maybe the roads were different in the mid-1990s. I examined some maps of Maricopa County from the mid-1990s, but none of them look different enough to showcase the ones Ethan mentions being near each other. Whatever the case may be, it was on North 7th Street where Ethan would encounter a contender for the Weirdest Cryptid of the Year.
Ethan said, “there were no cars around that late at night.” As such, there were no other civilians who bore witness to what looked like a child as it crossed the “median into the bushes.” For those who don’t know, a median is the part that separates the road from where people can stand before crossing it. So, in simpler terms, Ethan saw this “child” merely cross the road.
Surprised that a child was out and about at 2:00 in the morning, Ethan stopped his car. He rolled his window down (I’m guessing the driver’s side window) to get a better look at the figure. As you can already guess, what he saw wasn’t a child but rather something odd—and I don’t just mean in appearance.
As I’ve already said, Ethan said the figure resembled a child—though how, exactly, isn’t quite elaborated on. However, he does say that it was “around three feet tall [91 centimeters],” so I imagine he meant the height is what gave him that impression. Otherwise, the physical attributes don’t match up with any child I know.
For starters, the being had “glowing eyes” that were “big and yellow.” Despite the glowing nature of its eyes, Ethan was unable to make out the color of its skin “due to the darkness.” So, the creature was less “skinless” and more of a mystery. This is the biggest disappointment since the ending of LOST.
Despite that disappointment, Ethan was able to discern that it lacked hair. It also sported a small mouth, which I find interesting. He was able to see its mouth but not the color of its skin. I would love to know if there were any street lights or whatever was providing the light to let Ethan see such specific features, especially with it being in the bushes.
I digress, though. The most interesting detail (in my opinion) that Ethan provided was that the creature was looking at him and appeared “frightened.” This claim is something that I can’t say I’ve seen made often—especially when it comes to cryptids. As such, it’s one of the main reasons I wanted to cover this story (aside from its wild name). I can’t name a story off the top of my head where a cryptid stared at a human and appeared visibly distressed.
Naturally scared at the sight of a child-sized creature with large, yellow eyes peeking out through the bushes at him, Ethan opted to speed off. As he did, the figure ran out of the bushes and across the street once more. I’m guessing Ethan saw it in one of his mirrors because otherwise, he should have seen it (unless the car’s headlights weren’t on, which makes what we’re about to read really suspicious).
As Ethan drove away, he claimed he saw a “swarm of cops coming up from Central Ave[nue]” to where he’d just been. Needless to say, if the creature had run in front of Ethan’s car, he should have seen it; if he didn’t have his headlights on, one of the cops should’ve noticed that. Unless they were pursuing this thing on foot (which is possible as Ethan didn’t say it was a swarm of cop cars), but I digress. It’s a peculiar detail that stuck out to me, and I wanted to make a note of it.
And with that, Ethan’s story ends, and Styles rounds off by once again noting that Ethan “is no storyteller,” and that “he’s often quiet and keeps to himself.” A rather anticlimactic ending to the tale, but that’s the norm for About. I don’t know how I cope with all of this disappointment, dear reader. It’s all so tiresome.
Okay, that’s a lie; I actually love it in a weird way. As I’ve said before, About’s anticlimactic conclusions keep the door open for theories. And in this case, there are a ton of them for us to go over. So, rather than sit here and yammer about nothing, I say we begin going over what Ethan saw that fateful night. Come along; let’s allow our minds to wander to their heart’s desire!
Theories
1. A cryptid
Let’s start the theories off simply with the one that I’ve been eagerly waiting to discuss the most. The idea that this thing was a cryptid.
By all accounts, judging whether or not this thing was a cryptid is hard. Ethan didn’t exactly see much; he saw a pair of large, yellow eyes accompanied by a small mouth and believed that the figure was frightened. It’s probable that the glowing eyes were a product of an animal’s eye shine and that it was scared because something spooked it (be it a loud noise or because it was separated from its parents).
On the other hand, this thing was also quite a bit larger than most animals that sport yellow eye shine. Also, I know of no animal in Arizona that resembles a 3-foot-tall child. The closest I can think of is the legendary Dover Demon, and that cryptid actually sprang to mind when I read Ethan’s description of what he saw.
However, the Dover Demon was seen in Dover, Massachusetts, which is 2,559 miles (4,118 kilometers) from Arizona, back in 1977. Unless it took a 20-year-long walk across the United States, I doubt this was the case.
Getting back on topic, Arizona is known for a fair number of cryptids. It has its own Bigfoot (the Mongollon Monster), Thunderbird sightings, and Devil Monkeys (another type of Bigfoot). Suffice it to say, none of them match what Ethan saw.
There are also sightings of Pale Crawlers and Fleshgaits (the latter being erroneously known as “Skinwalkers” by many people). Neither fits the description of this thing, though, as both are said to be significantly taller, ranging anywhere from 6 to 10 feet (1.8 to 3 meters).
I’ve also never heard a single story where a Pale Crawler or Fleshgait was described as being “frightened” without being harmed first. So, unless the swarm of cops unloaded their guns into the creature like they were all Charleton Heston, I doubt this was one of them.
With that said, there is one cryptid that does match what Ethan saw: El Chupacabra!
Indeed, Arizona’s known its fair share of reports of the infamous “Goat Sucker.” This isn’t too surprising, though. Arizona borders Mexico and has a large farming community. This makes it ripe for numerous Chupacabra reports, though most are explained as the work of coyotes (which are extremely common).
Nevertheless, the idea that this was a Chupacabra has some merit—in the realm of cryptozoology, anyway. If you wish to go by the lore of the creature, Arizona is known for UFO sightings (some believe the blood-sucking cryptid is an alien in and of itself).
Additionally, the Chupacabra is said to be 3 to 4 feet (91 to 121 centimeters) in height. This aligns with the estimated height Ethan gave. Also, while it may seem odd for a cryptid that’s often depicted as being a canid to be so tall, it’s worth noting that the Chupacabra has also been reported as a humanoid. I only say this in case someone who’s unfamiliar with everyone’s favorite vampiric cryptid happens to stumble across this write-up.
That said, the Chupacabra theory does have a few issues. The first is that whatever Ethan saw had yellow eyes. The Chupacabra is normally said to have red eyes. It was also missing the iconic spikes running down its back. This could be explained by Ethan not catching a good enough glimpse of the figure, but as I mentioned during the story, this begs the question as to whether or not Ethan had his headlights on and if there were street lights. But more on that in a later theory.
There’s also the matter of the Jaywalking Cryptid of Phoenix not being a Jayhopper; the Chupacabra has been reported to hop like a kangaroo. However, this is something that I can overlook because I barely see it mentioned in Chupacabra reports nowadays.
Moving on, the biggest issue, though, is that this thing was seen running around in Phoenix. Most, if not all, Chupacabra reports are in rural farming areas because, you know, the creature is said to feast on the blood of cattle. That said, there could be an explanation for this, but more on that in the next theory.
Even if we’re to believe that nobody noticed the creature itself, I find it hard to believe that nobody in Phoenix took notice of a swarm of cops chasing a 3-foot-tall humanoid with large, yellow eyes. While yes, it was 2:00 a.m., plenty of people are known for having their night out on the town (just look at Ethan) or who work night shifts. Surely someone would have taken notice of a swarm of cops chasing someone or something, right?
Then again, it’s possible these weren’t members of the Phoenix Police Department. They could have been federal agents of some sort. I’ve heard reports of people who say they’ve gone to areas where cryptids were seen for an array of reasons. This can be due to a rash of sightings or because someone was attacked (like in the case of The Beast of the Land Between the Lakes). That’s a story for another year, though, because it’s extremely long.
Alternatively, you can argue that the Men in Black or some other shadowy organization intimidated them into being quiet. However, if that were the case, why didn’t they know about Ethan? If there’s one thing I know about Men in Black stories, it’s that they somehow, in some inconceivable way, know when someone saw something they weren’t meant to see. How is it that they slipped up in this case? I guess human error extends to popular lore figures who are incapable of expressing emotion.
Then again, it’s possible that they were too busy to worry about one lone, random man rather than a group of law enforcement officers. After all, whose word is more likely to be believed by the general public? That one person or a group of people who reported seeing the same thing? The way I see it, the more people who report seeing the same thing, the more alarm bells go off in my brain.
Oh well, I digress. Despite those issues, I will admit that my inner cryptid enthusiast would like to think that this was a Chupacabra—or a cryptid akin to it. However, the flaws here are pretty hefty—though one of the biggest can be explained away with our next theory, and it’s one that centers on one of Phoenix, Arizona’s most notorious incidents.
2. An alien
Like most of the American Southwest, Arizona is known as a hotbed for UFO sightings. You needn’t look any further than the state to its right, New Mexico, which is where Roswell is located. Meanwhile, to the northwest of Arizona is Nevada, the state where the infamous Area 51 can be found.
Arizona itself is no stranger to famous UFO sightings, though. If you recall, Styles said that Ethan’s encounter occurred in the mid-1990s. While we don’t know the exact year, I want to propose an idea. You see, the mid-1990s would count for 1994 to 1996. But what if Styles was wrong, and this happened in or around early 1997?
If I were to be right, then our second theory would rapidly become an alien enthusiast’s dream come true. The reason? The events of March 13, 1997: The Phoenix Lights. It’s a contender for one of the most famous UFO sightings of all time in United States history—in my opinion, anyway.
Now, to preface, I won’t go over the entire story of the Phoenix Lights because it’s a lengthy story. However, I do want to provide a bit of background on it for those who aren’t familiar with it. I have no idea how famous it is outside of the United States, and I don’t want my international readers to be left scratching their heads, wondering why I’m tying a UFO sighting to a story about a 3-foot-tall humanoid cryptid. That, and it’s a case that has captivated me since I was a child, so I’d like to share some of that magic with all of you.
The Phoenix Lights were a series of lights (see below) that were seen over Phoenix, Arizona, on the night of March 13, 1997, between 7:30 and 10:30 MST (19:30 to 22:30 for my 24-hour time readers).
Now, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I have to say that the Wikipedia article threw me for a small loop. According to it, there were “two distinct events.” In my time knowing the event, I’ve only known of the stationary lights (which are the lights in the image above).
However, another set of lights apparently flew over the city of Phoenix in a triangle formation (wow, three Decemystery articles in a row have featured something with a triangular shape). This event I know much less about. It’s possible I’ve merely forgotten it, thanks to the passage of time, but I digress; I’m not here to give a lecture.
The stationary lights were said to have encompassed a staggering 300 miles (482 kilometers). To put that into perspective, the distance between Des Moines, Iowa, and Chicago, Illinois, is 333 miles (535 kilometers). This enormous size, coupled with their luminosity, made them visible from outside of Phoenix. People as far away as Nevada, which is five hours and 306 miles (492 kilometers) from Phoenix, saw the lights.
Anyway, over the course of the previously mentioned three hours, numerous calls were made about the lights. One even came in from legendary actor Kurt Russell, who radioed Air Traffic Control about them while he was flying a private plane.
Ultimately, the lights vanished, and the residents of Phoenix were left wondering what they’d seen. The official explanation is that flares were dropped during a military exercise, but many doubted that—even after the exercise was performed again in an effort to prove its validity (see below).
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I digress, though. 27 years later, no definitive answer has ever emerged, and the Phoenix Lights remain one of the greatest unexplained UFO sightings ever. While that may be a hasty wrap-up, it’s all that’s important. The complete story is incredibly long and spans more than a decade (since the lights have purportedly come back on more than one occasion). God willing, I’ll one day cover the story in its entirety. Today, however, is not that day.
Now that you know the story of the Phoenix Lights, let’s circle back to the theory. As stated earlier, this hinges upon Styles misremembering the year in which Ethan’s experience occurred. It’s also possible he thought of 1997 as being a part of the mid-1990s. After all, the Phoenix Lights were seen in March.
If I’m right about things, then the idea that this was an alien has a fun conspiratorial angle to it. You could float around all sorts of odd ideas, but I won’t pad this out with outlandish ideas. All you need to know is that this theory relies on an alien having potentially stayed behind after the Phoenix Lights were seen. So, let’s discuss what works in this theory’s favor.
The first is that the figure’s odd appearance matches that of smaller Grey aliens, though the glowing eyes are something I’ve never heard of. Greys don’t have those if my memory isn’t failing me. They do, however, have small mouths—or so some eyewitnesses claim.
The second thing is that it could explain the Chupacabra theory. Regardless of when this happened, you could merge the two theories together. Perhaps aliens dropped off a Chupacabra for some arbitrary reason (be it to siphon animal blood or because they didn’t want it), and it just so happened that it would wind up in Phoenix.
Last but not least, the American Southwest is so well known for UFO sightings that if there was any place I’d expect an alien to be found—dead or alive—it would be there. This is more of a personal thing, but I wanted to make a note of it.
That said, this theory has a plethora of issues. The most obvious is that there’s no proof that aliens have done anything of the aforementioned things, be it throwing away their failed experiments or anything of that nature. Honestly, it strikes me as implausible that aliens could get away with leaving so much on Earth without us finding it. While our planet may be an enormous place, disposing of stuff near a major city is bound to be discovered.
Because of that, I think it’s safe to say that the logical answer is that Ethan’s sighting took place before the Phoenix Lights. Although Styles submitted his story in 2009—12 years after the lights were seen—I doubt he forgot one of the biggest incidents in his city’s history, especially if he and Ethan were legally allowed to drink. Then again, time is a cruel mistress; he could’ve genuinely forgotten.
Additionally, if this was an alien, then one must ask why it was here—and, more importantly, why it was frightened. Personally, I have my own answers, so I may as well share them.
In the case of the former, I would posit that it wanted to see intelligent life on another planet. I’ve said in other write-ups that this is why I think aliens have visited us. It would stand to reason that they’re curious and wish to see us the same way we go to see animals in a zoo or observe them from afar while out in the wilderness.
As for the latter, my guess would be that the “swarm of cops” Ethan saw frightened it, though there are a number of things mentioned throughout the story that could have done that. These include but are not limited to one of the officers discharging their firearm, the sound of the police car sirens, the fire engines, or Ethan driving along the road it was on.
I’m sure that if I sat here for long enough, I could pick this theory apart even more, but I won’t because I’m pretty sure you get the point. From the outside, I think the theory has a lot going for it, but there are a lot of tricky logical problems. Does that make it debunked? No, of course not. I’ll maintain that it’s reasonable for an alien to want to see other intelligent life up close.
However, in this case, I find it difficult to believe Phoenix wasn’t buzzing about several police officers pursuing a tiny humanoid like a Tom & Jerry cartoon. That’s just ludicrous, especially if this happened after the Phoenix Lights.
In short, your mileage for this theory will vary. If you’re an ardent believer in aliens like me, you may find yourself at the same table as me, or you may think I’m overthinking things. For the skeptics, this theory probably sent you into deep orbit. I’m sorry; I’ll ask SpaceX to retrieve you. Until then, let’s dive into a wormhole and move on to the next theory.
3. An interdimensional being
Look, let me get one of the flaws of this theory out of the way right now: something something nobody reacted to the police. Okay, are we good? Alright, awesome; that’s going to be a problem for all but one theory going forward, and I’m not about to repeat myself ad nauseam.
I’ve already made my stance on parallel universes and the like apparent in previous Decemystery entries. I think it’s more than plausible that other realities exist. However, this theory is more of a tongue-in-cheek thing.
That said, I think this theory holds more water than the previous one. As wild as that might sound to some, it makes more sense when you consider the creature’s terrified reaction. If you found yourself in an alternate dimension, you’d likely be scared out of your mind and panic.
On top of that, this would explain why none of the cops spoke about it. Odds are, they chalked it up to a prank or misidentified animal. Granted, why so many cops responded to this call is questionable, but it’s possible Ethan mistook some Animal Control personnel for police officers. It was 2:00 a.m., and he was on his way home from a party. I doubt his brain was working at its fullest.
It’s also worth noting that some people outright believe aliens themselves are interdimensional beings. So, if you want to play tic-tac-toe, you could argue that this was an El Chupacabra and combine the first three theories in a beautiful display of theory molding. Oh, what wonderful horrors await us as this blog continues to be in operation (which is hopefully for as long as I draw breath).
However, like all theories, this one has a couple of issues. I went over the first in the first paragraph because I’m an efficient writer who totally doesn’t fall victim to redundancy.
The second issue is considerably most frustrating—and it loosely ties into that first problem. We don’t know how long this creature was out and about, which I think is a major issue since, if this were an interdimensional being, there’s a likely possibility that it didn’t come here of its own volition. Instead, it came here because our reality overlapped with theirs.
Now, granted, my knowledge of the subject is minimal. However, what I do know is that when this happens, whatever appears in our world doesn’t linger around for long. It’s typically a few minutes at most. If this is true, then how long were the police out looking for this being?
If you remember, Ethan heard a police siren and a fire engine first. He didn’t hear multiple sirens. Granted, that could have been a mistake on Styles’ end, but it’s still frustrating that we can’t establish a clear timeline for this story.
As it stands, though, it sounds like Ethan left the party sometime after he heard the siren. You know, I have to wonder why cops called for backup. I’d also love to know why they didn’t fan out to look for their target. Maybe I know nothing of police tactics (that’s more than plausible, given my lackluster skills when it comes to SWAT 4 and Ready Or Not), but I don’t think it’s smart to stick together like an angry swarm of hornets.
The most likely explanation I can think of is that the officers who were sent to look for the creature found it and were chasing it. I know that’s really great detective work on my end, but it’s the only explanation that works. Even then, I have to wonder how many there were. When I think of a swarm, I think of at least half a dozen. If there were that many cops chasing this thing, it had to have been reported a lot.
Oh well, I digress. Despite those flaws, this theory stands on its own. If the issue of the timeline weren’t there, I’d be inclined to say that it’s one of the most likely explanations—even if that sounds preposterous in the eyes (and ears) of some. Oh well, I don’t care; I relish how this blog is an emporium of craziness. Anyway, onto the next theory!
4. A mutant
Anyone who’s seen Christopher Nolan’s 2023 film Oppenheimer may believe themselves to be an expert in the creation of the atomic bomb. I’m here to inform you that it’s a shame Nolan opted not to include a reference to Perseus in the movie, the supposed Soviet spy who infiltrated the Manhattan Project and brought top-secret intel back to the Soviet Union. Yes, that’s a real story; Call of Duty didn’t make him up.
All jokes about Oppenheimer aside, the reason I bring that up is the idea of nuclear tests in the American Southwest leading to mutants is by no means some novel idea. It was the basis for Wes Craven’s 1977 film The Hills Have Eyes, which centers on a family of cannibalistic mutants terrorizing another family who crashed their car near Nevada’s Nellis Air Force Range.
However, as you know, Nevada is not Arizona. Despite that, the radioactive fallout left by the numerous nuclear detonations that occurred in Nevada did seep into Arizona over the course of time. This affected several counties, and God knows how many people.
Those same nuclear detonations also caused some mutations, although most amounted to birth, mental, and genetic defects. Nevertheless, that won’t stop our fourth theory from proposing that the figure Ethan saw someone—or something—who was mutated by the aforementioned radioactive fallout.
Now, I’d like to preface this by saying that I don’t know much about mutation—or how radioactive fallout works. I know that it can cause cancer (that’s what happened with John Wayne and many others involved with the filming of the infamous 1956 film The Conqueror) and that it has been linked to the aforementioned defects. Despite that, I’m including this theory because it ties into the cryptid one.
You see, while I may be unfamiliar with the extent of the mutations that radioactive fallout can cause, let’s imagine that this “mutant” was someone who experienced stunted growth due to the fallout. As for the “large, yellow eyes,” we can chalk that up to either a rare disease or Ethan misremembering things.
If this were the case, then this theory wouldn’t be far-fetched—not by a long shot. Many—and I mean many—people (particularly Native Americans) were victims of the fallout left by the nuclear tests in Nevada. This was because the United States government said that there was nothing to worry about and that everything was safe.
It was, in fact, not safe.
So, that’s it, right? Well, not quite. There’s one alternative version of this theory, and it taps into the ever-so-wonderful realm of the conspiratorial—along with a touch of science fiction. That version, dear reader, is that this mutant was either a Pale Crawler or a Fleshgait.
I won’t go over them again since I already touched upon them in the cryptid section, but it’s worth noting that Arizona (along with neighboring New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, and southern California) is known as a hotbed for Pale Crawler and Fleshgait sightings.
Both of those creatures are theorized by some to be mutants that were birthed thanks to the nuclear testing that went on. They’re also known to be nocturnal and are a popular explanation for disappearances in various natural parks in the Southwestern United States. That warrants its own write-up, though.
That said, this idea not only suffers from the obvious issue of both creatures’ supposed heights (which, again, I touched upon earlier) but there’s also the matter of how these creatures could have survived decades after these tests were performed without being proven to exist.
Granted, some counter this by saying that a secretive U.S. Army branch uses them for testing (more on this in the next theory). While this is highly unlikely (since it wouldn’t explain why so many Pale Crawler and Fleshgait sightings are reported across the world nowadays), it’s worth noting that Area 51 is in the southern half of Nevada. It’s also an hour and 42 minutes from the earlier-mentioned Nellis Air Force Range. If there was ever a place to house your horrific scientific mishaps, it would be Area 51.
Depending on which version of the theory you abide by, there’s one unifying problem: I have no idea how many people circa the mid-1990s suffered from these kinds of defects, disfigurations, and issues. Granted, complications from radioactive fallout can last for generations. However, to comb through the entirety of Phoenix’s population around that time (especially when we don’t have a definitive year) to find the person would not only be an arduous task but exceedingly cruel.
At the same time, it’s not unheard of for people to be scared of others who are either short or exceptionally tall. If there had been someone who suffered from stunted growth out and about at night (especially if this occurred after the Phoenix Lights), locals may have panicked and called the cops to report an alien. That may sound outlandish, but incidents like that are not uncommon. That’s one explanation for the infamous Battle of Los Angeles and the Phoenix Lights.
Ultimately, I think this theory hinges on less than many would think. However, it also relies heavily on a lot going in its favor. I certainly believe there’s something worth thinking about, given the part of the United States this occurred. But, at the same time, it’d be odd for this to have happened once and never again. Well, unless the person who caused this unwanted occurrence opted not to go out at night ever again.
As for the idea that this was a more monstrous mutant, like a Pale Crawler or Fleshgait, I think that depends on whether you believe in those creatures or not. But there will be time to discuss those in the next theory, which is going to take us deep into the realm of conspiracy theories. Get your tinfoil hats ready; this is going to be fun!
5. An escaped government experiment
Here’s a really fun theory that has gone unused during Decemystery this year. It’s one that I wish I got to discuss more often since there are a lot of interesting stories surrounding “Deep Underground Military Bases” (or D.U.M.Bs). If you don’t know what those are, they’re military bases that are located underground (I know, that’s a real shock) where covert experiments and testing go on.
One of these bases, known as “Dulce Base,” is particularly notorious because of something called “Nightmare Hall,” which is said to be a place where the U.S. government and extraterrestrials perform abhorrent experiments on civilians. This, however, has never been confirmed. Despite that, the town of Dulce, New Mexico, has purportedly embraced the claim because it’s caused tourism to skyrocket. You know, I should write about American towns that have embraced the weird stories surrounding them.
Anyway, now you have an idea of these locations and their supposed practices, you now know that our fifth theory centers on one of these horrific experiments, having escaped a top-secret military base in or around Arizona. This could be the aforementioned Dulce Base, Area 51, or another D.U.M.B that I’m unaware of.
As per the norm, let’s start off with what works. For starters, the U.S. government has experimented on both animals and humans. The latter can be seen with the notorious Project MKUltra—more colloquially known as the CIA’s mind control experiment. You know, the one where the CIA had the oh-so-bright idea to use hallucinogens (such as LSD) to extract the truth from suspected spies.
Yeah, it was as bright as a burnt-out lightbulb.
Although that experiment is but one example, it’s proof that, yes, the U.S. government has done awful things to its civilians. However, that was a different time. Is such a thing really in recent times—like thirty years ago? And is it possible that they created abominations like Pale Crawlers or Fleshgaits?
No, absolutely not.
The reason for this is the Free of Information Act (FOIA). It’s what got MKUltra declassified, and it’s why Americans know about many of the shady things their government has done. Anyone in the United States can submit a FOIA request (though it does cost money to compensate those who have to look through archives and find what you requested) to learn about something. If you want to know more, I explained the process surrounding FOIA rates (and the Act as a whole) in greater detail last year when I talked about The Tuttle Bottoms Monster.
Ultimately, that one piece of legislation from Lyndon B. Johnson back in 1966 is more than enough to dispel this theory… or is it?
You see, FOIA requests can be denied for various reasons, like if it compromises national security or the privacy of other citizens. There are several more reasons, but the point is that I can’t go ahead and submit a FOIA request asking for all the sweet details on Area 51.
Likewise, I doubt you can submit a FOIA request for information on whether a 3-foot-tall humanoid from a D.U.M.B escaped one night in Phoenix, Arizona. Of course, I’ve never tried submitting one. Perhaps someone out there can, but I doubt the folks working there will treat such a request seriously if you use my wording.
So, where does that leave this theory? Well, it’s still a conspiracy theory at its core. Even if you’re adamant that D.U.M.Bs exist or that the U.S. government has created monstrosities like Pale Crawlers and Fleshgaits, there’s no way out of that. The two are conjoined due to the nature of the claim.
At the same time, the precedent is there—even if it’s nowhere near the same (I wouldn’t put MKUltra in the same league as turning someone into a Pale Crawler or some other aberration). Regardless, it’s irrefutable that experiments have been performed on U.S. citizens in the past without their consent.
The Southwestern United States also has a lot of military bases; 27% of the land in Arizona is owned by the federal government, and it owns 31% and 80% of New Mexico and Nevada, respectively. So, there are plenty of places where a secretive underground base could be located.
However, verifying such claims would be brutally difficult for reasons we’ve gone over. Even if we disregard that, there are countless people who would scoff at the notion of such claims. Then again, people said MKUltra was a conspiracy theory, and look at how that turned out.
Anyway, to round this rather obtuse theory off, I’d say that it’s on shaky ground. You can make the argument that there is something there, but there’s nothing to back it up, and you’d have a ridiculously hard time getting something to back it up due to how the U.S. government operates.
Because of that, and in spite of my vehement doubts that D.U.M.Bs exist in the way that I presented them for this theory, I think it’s unfair to completely dismiss this. If there’s precedent for other conspiracy theories to be true, why should we throw this one aside? Who’s to say the government didn’t try to make a super soldier, or something else, decades ago, and the little bugger ended up escaping after decades of biding his or her time? After all, the CIA themselves have acknowledged the existence of underground military bases in the past. Who’s to say there aren’t deeper ones harboring things the public wasn’t meant to see or know?
6. A spirit
I heavily considered excluding this theory on account of my minimal knowledge regarding anything about Native American spirits (something I made abundantly clear in the write-up on The Triangle Creature the other day). However, due to the high Native American population in the Southwestern United States, I figured it would be a good idea not to include this as a possibility, especially when they were the victims of the earlier-mentioned radioactive fallout.
There are numerous Native American tribes that reside in Arizona, along with the whole of the Southwestern U.S. However, the largest is the Navajo Nation. As of this writing, 140,263 Navajo members live in Arizona alone. While most of their reservations are in the northeastern part of the state, not all of them live on the reservations (this is relevant for later).
Now that you know about the most prominent tribe in Arizona, I want to make one thing abundantly clear. This theory does not refer to Skinwalkers. I mentioned earlier that the Internet has butchered what a Skinwalker is (leading to the creation of the name “Fleshgait,” from what I know), but I feel the need to stress that they aren’t a part of this theory.
Granted, I don’t know anyone who is Navajo who could assist me in writing this theory; maybe there is a variation of the legend that does involve it being more of a spirit than a witch who can utilize the powers of animals. However, as it stands, I want you to know that this has nothing to do with them. What we’re discussing is that this was a spirit—and it relates to both a Native American spirit and something else that would serve as its own write-up.
Now, given my limited knowledge of Native American culture, I can’t say for certain if this was a spirit of nature or the spirit of someone who was killed where Phoenix now stands. The former seems unlikely, given the figure Ethan saw resembled a child and not a deer, coyote, or some other animal that’s native to Arizona.
If these spirits are capable of shapeshifting into a humanoid appearance, I’m unaware of it. I do know that Native American ceremonies are performed to commune and summon spirits, but those are either spirits of nature and the Earth or of ancestors. However, to the best of my knowledge, those are performed on reservations and not in major cities. If I’m wrong about that, do let me know so I don’t make the same mistake in the future.
That brings us to the idea that what Ethan saw was the spirit of someone who was killed on or around the road. If this were the case, then the victim doesn’t need to be Native American. It’s not unheard of for people who were the victims of hit-and-runs or violent car accidents to supposedly haunt the scene of their untimely demise.
This idea may sound rather crazy, given most associate hauntings with buildings, but Wikipedia has an article dedicated to highways that are said to be haunted. It’s a global thing, and it’s pretty intense to imagine an entire road being haunted, but I digress. That’s a topic for another day (hopefully next year).
Should the being Ethan have been that of a Native American child who had died, it’s, unfortunately, possible that it was due to American settlers. Numerous Natives were killed for an array of reasons, and it’s likely that this was a spirit who hadn’t been able to find peace.
All of those possibilities are, to me, very much possible. However, it does raise the question as to why the police were seemingly pursuing it. I know I said I wouldn’t harp on the police aspect of this anymore, but this is something I haven’t touched upon.
Unless Ethan was mistaken and the cops were chasing someone he hadn’t seen, the idea that multiple police officers showed up to a 911 call about a ghost is absurd. I don’t know how dispatchers treated those calls back in the mid-1990s, but the handling nowadays depends on where the call was made from (I think some will be ignored as crank calls).
On certain occasions, a cop will show up to do a wellness check—or to make sure the supposed ghost isn’t a home invader or a wild animal. Other times, they may call paramedics to help you calm down since it’s possible the person is mentally ill.
These reports are made from houses, though. I’ve never heard of one being made from a road (though that could be my fault for not reading more ghost stories). If we’re to assume that someone did see a child with large, yellow eyes running around on the street, I have to imagine the dispatcher would tell the person who made the call to stay put so they can watch the figure to make sure it doesn’t run off or get hurt while the police make their way to the scene.
But, hey, I don’t know how the Phoenix police department would’ve handled a call like that, and going in circles by speculating about it won’t get us anywhere—not when there are a few more theories for us to go over.
So, ultimately, I’d say this theory has more merit than the others we’ve gone over. There is precedent for haunted roads. What happened to the spirit in life is up for debate, but I’d rather not linger on something as morbid as that (especially when Ethan explicitly said the figure looked like a child).
That said, it’s time for us to enter the realm of the skeptical; the remaining theories aren’t as fantastical as the previous ones. So, bid farewell to the realm of the mysterious and welcome the rationalization; it’s time to put on our thinking caps!
7. A case of misidentification
Ah, a classic among classics. When it comes to being on the skeptical side, this is a theory that I believe most will jump to first, especially when it comes to cryptids. Personally, despite being an ardent cryptozoology enthusiast, I think that’s a smart thing. One should look for a rational explanation before labeling it as unexplainable. That’s the rule I abide by when it comes to things on this blog—to the best of my ability, anyway. I’m not without my slip-ups and faults.
Anyway, let’s go over what works in this theory’s favor. For starters, cases of misidentification are a dime a dozen. Numerous cryptid sightings can be chalked up to someone mistaking a known animal for something else. An example of this would be a bear standing on its hind legs; these encounters could explain many Bigfoot sightings. So, common sense would dictate this to be the case.
Additionally, it was 2:00 a.m., and Ethan was returning from a party. He was no doubt exhausted, and I doubt he saw the figure until it was close. If it had been running, I also doubt he made out every detail when his headlights reached it (more on this later—at long last).
It’s also possible that Ethan was already startled by the sudden appearance of the creature and thought that what he saw a child when it was, say, a bobcat. Sure, he said it looked like a child, but I’ll get to that in a bit.
Last but not least, Ethan or Styles could have misremembered details. Styles never stated when Ethan told him about his experience, so one (or both) of them could have misremembered a lot about the creature’s description. Always remember, dear reader, that human memory is a faulty thing. I’ve said this many times before, and I will keep doing it until it’s no longer true.
With that said, let’s move on to the shortcomings of this theory because, by God, there are many.
For starters, Ethan’s description of the figure was that it resembled a child and was 3 feet tall, lacked hair, sported large, yellow eyes, and had a small mouth. We have no idea what color it was, if it had any noticeable ears, if its limbs were abnormal in any way, or how large its eyes were. Were they the size of a softball? Or were they as large as a dinner plate?
We also have no idea how the animal moved. When Ethan said that it crossed the road, I imagined it was bipedal and ran. However, it’s possible it walked at a leisurely pace. If this were the case, then this raises an enormous question, and it’s one that I’ve been biting my tongue on for a while now. Allow me to clear my throat, take a few deep breaths, and activate that oh-so-wonderful thing known as the caps lock key. Ahem…
DID ETHAN NOT HAVE HIS HEADLIGHTS ON!?
Ah, that was cathartic.
Seriously, though, this is a gargantuan problem for this theory. But, before I latch onto how this is detrimental to it, let me be fair and say that it’s possible Ethan was so exhausted from the party and how late it was that it slipped his mind. As inexcusably reckless as that would be, it’s very possible. Lapses in judgment are known to happen, even ones that can lead to disastrous consequences.
With that said, let’s not linger on the morbid possibilities that could have befallen Ethan and any other unfortunate motorist. No, I want to focus on how this affects the possibility that this was just Ethan misidentifying whatever he saw.
If Ethan’s headlights were off, then that does explain why he didn’t notice any significant defining features at first glance. However, that doesn’t explain why he could discern that the creature had a small mouth when it was in the bushes. Unless there were street lights that let him see those features. But if that were the case, he should have been able to see more.
Of course, you can argue that he was jolted awake by what he saw. Regardless, if Ethan did have his headlights off, I question why none of the cops he supposedly saw took notice of that. Then again, I doubt any of them were going to give chase on foot, as that would be silly.
It’s also possible that Ethan was close to the bushes the figure entered. If that was the case, I wish it had been specified. I hate making a lot of assumptions because it makes me think I’m molding my own version of the story and not retelling the actual series of events as they occurred.
Seriously, as much as I love covering these cases, moments like this are incredibly frustrating and leave me exhausted as they cause the write-up to become bloated. I think it’s evident by how much I’ve gone over the same questions, but that’s only because the more I fixate on the issues, the more glaring and aggravating they become. It’s like staring at something that’s blatantly off-center by a few millimeters. The more I look at it, the more I want to scream.
I digress, though. In one final attempt, I went and took a gander at the images of the various streets Ethan had mentioned. The only one that I could get a good look at was North Central Avenue, which looked to be in a major part of Phoenix. Baseline Road and North 7th Street lacked enough images for me to make out if there were any (though it didn’t look like there were any, though that could’ve been the angle of the photos).
Look, I’ll be honest, I don’t think this theory has anything going for it. I know that breaks my rule of being impartial during the theories section, but this relies so heavily on assumptions that I cannot, in good faith, say that it’s worth investing an iota of stock into it.
Of course, that’s just my observation. It’s possible that if I spent more time examining various pictures from the roads Ethan took, I would be able to make better guesses as to what he might’ve mistaken this creature for. But enough repetition; let’s move on to the next theory, which is thankfully much shorter and less frustrating.
8. Ethan was inebriated
A part of me didn’t want to include a theory like this because I couldn’t reasonably prove that Ethan was inebriated, and Styles said Ethan wasn’t a drinker. However, given he was at a party, and we don’t know how old he or Styles were, Regardless of whether or not they were legally allowed to drink, I think there’s enough plausibility to at least give this theory a bit of an acknowledgment.
First things first, it’s worth noting that alcohol can cause hallucinations. It’s very rare, but it can happen. However, this happens to alcoholics and not someone who gets drunk every now and then. Unless Ethan was a heavy drinker behind Styles’ back (which would be incredibly difficult to achieve as alcoholism is destructive), I doubt this was the case.
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean this theory isn’t without merit. While I’m not a drinker and have never been drunk, I’d say it’s possible Ethan could’ve mistaken someone—or something—crossing the road for a ghoulish being. It could also explain the large, yellow eyes; perhaps his vision was blurry, and he mistook the glare of street lights for the creature’s eyes.
This, to me, does sound plausible. It wouldn’t require Ethan to be completely smashed to the point he’d crash his car, just tipsy enough to where he could plausibly make a mistake.
That said, if Ethan encountered a group of cops, I’m adamant that one would have rushed back to their cruiser and pursued him if he showed signs of intoxication. With how dangerous it is to drive while drunk, I doubt any police officer worth their weight in salt would let Ethan put himself and others in harm’s way.
Of course, not every police officer is going to be the brightest bulb on the planet. There are more than a few who are—and I say this as politely as possible—magnificently inept. So, there’s always room for enough plausibility that the “swarm of cops” was being led by a blind shepherd with a badge.
Overall, this theory has a fair bit going for it, even if you need to make a hefty assumption about Ethan having drunk when Styles said he wasn’t a drinker. You never know who’s going to succumb to peer pressure—or who will decide to cut loose for one night. You also never know who will make a terrible and inexcusable decision, like driving while drunk. Do yourself and everyone else a favor by not doing that—ever. Now, let’s move on to the next theory, which is one that I’m sure more than a few of you have already thought about.
9. Ethan was suffering from sleep deprivation
Speaking as someone with bipolar disorder, I can relate to this theory oh so much. I’ve had a few people think the idea of being able to stay up for so much is a wonderful thing. Their mindset changes very quickly after I tell them that I never accomplish anything and that it’s more akin to blacking out and realizing I’ve been robbed of time.
Now that you’ve been adequately reminded that trivializing mental illnesses is a vile thing to do, our ninth theory is that Ethan was suffering from sleep deprivation. This is something that’s known to cause hallucinations, and it’s what the whole idea hinges on. There is no universal rule as to when they start; they can begin within 24 hours of going without sleep or 48 hours. As far as I know, it depends on the person.
These hallucinations can vary significantly in intensity. I’ve heard of people seeing terrifying figures on the road, in their houses, and objects morphing into other things. I’m unfamiliar with the inner workings of how hallucinations work, so I cannot say exactly why this happens, but it’s not all that important in the grand scheme of things. What is important is that you need to know that, yes, you can see human—or human-like—figures while suffering from sleep deprivation.
By all accounts, this theory stands incredibly well on its own. From what I know, truck drivers are prone to hallucinations due to the long drives they take, and they frequently see figures on the road. I recall a story about a trucker who said he saw a large, psychotic-looking clown on a unicycle. I believe it was caused by sleep deprivation, highway hypnosis (something that happens when driving along a familiar route for a lengthy period of time), or both.
Couple that with the lack of other sightings of the creature and the police officers Ethan saw not appearing to have been in pursuit of the figure (after all, it sounded like they were close to where the figure had been), and this sounds like it’s the answer.
However, there are some issues with it, and all fall under the same umbrella: we don’t know if Ethan was up for a prolonged period of time. Even though Ethan headed home at 2:00 a.m., it’s possible he’d slept an adequate amount of time the previous night. I can attest that you won’t get hallucinations if you stay up past midnight. There is nothing special about it.
At the same time, if Ethan suffered from insomnia or bipolar disorder, he could have been awake for a day or more. The same goes for if he was in college or worked a great deal. All of these, along with several other things (such as various physical conditions and addictions), can contribute to people staying awake for days.
Unfortunately, this requires me to make some major assumptions since none of this was addressed in Styles’ report. As I said earlier, I’d rather not do this.
That said, I will concede a lot of ground and say that this is an extremely plausible theory—one of the most plausible, in fact. While it may seem unlikely since one would expect Ethan to be tired if he’d been awake for a day—or days—the various reasons I listed before can lead to you not feeling sleepy.
Speaking on a personal level, I can attest to that feeling. I’ve had days where I’ve only slept for two hours, proceeded to be awake for nearly a full day or more, and not felt tired. That feeling wouldn’t go away until I took a large dose of melatonin to help me get to sleep.
Ultimately, I think this theory will depend on how far you’re willing to go when making assumptions about Ethan’s life and sleeping habits. But rather than go in a circle about that once more, let’s move on to the next theory—it’s a really fun one.
10. A prank
There’s a really weird overlap between prank culture and cryptozoology. I believe it’s because there’s a market for fooling people by dressing up as Bigfoot and having someone film you—or make plaster casts of the tracks you leave behind. Or maybe cryptozoology is a magnet for people with a bit too much time on their hands. Or both. Yeah, I think it’s both.
Anyway, it’s time to break into the realm of the double digits with our tenth theory; Ethan was the unfortunate victim of a really bizarre prank. The most likely culprit was someone in a costume who wanted to mess with the locals (I’ll address the aspect about the height in a little bit).
Stunts like this are prevalent in prank videos. I recall seeing a video of someone dressed as Valak (the demon from The Conjuring and Nun films) going around scaring people. I’ve never understood the appeal of doing things like this, but the market for acts like this is remarkably sizable, and it has only grown with the advent of platforms like YouTube.
However, the Valak prank was done during the daytime. This was in the mid-1990s when platforms like YouTube didn’t exist, and it was in the dead of night. While you could be seriously harmed if you prank the wrong person, I would say the risk is far greater during the night when fewer people are outdoors. Also, there’s usually some staging that goes into the more extreme pranks (though this isn’t always the case).
Nevertheless, a rowdy child, teen, or adult wishing to cause a bit of chaos isn’t unheard of. As I said before, people dress up as Bigfoot to mess with others. It isn’t like this would be that difficult, especially if the person involved had a condition like dwarfism.
There’s one significant problem with that, though. Dwarfism is rare. Just how rare are we talking? Well, I’ve seen some sources put the number of people born with a condition that causes it at 1 in every 10,000, while others say it’s 1 in every 40,000 people. If I had to guess, the average is likely 1 in every 25,000, but I digress. The point is that there aren’t that many individuals with it, so the likelihood of this having been someone with dwarfism in a costume feels slim—but not impossible.
Of course, you could argue that this was a child who decided to defy their parents. I would counter that by saying children are around 3 feet tall when they’re between the ages of 3 and 4. Unless this child was Solid Snake and managed to navigate Phoenix without being seen, I’m questioning the likelihood of such an act.
It’s also possible that Ethan didn’t guess the height correctly. If we had a better understanding of how far he was when he saw the figure and the way it was standing, he might’ve guessed it based on it being hunched over. This could mean a teenager was in a costume.
I’d also be curious to know if this story occurred around Halloween. Given the holiday is known for teens and young adults going around pulling pranks on their friends (and strangers), it stands to reason that this could have been someone who wanted to mess with passing motorists into thinking they saw a Chupacabra or something akin to the Dover Demon.
In my eyes, this would be quite easy (if highly risky) to achieve if the street had little to no light. I’ve already gone over the issue involving street lights enough, but if they were few and far between, someone waiting in their costume to rush out could feasibly create a headline about a strange creature being seen.
Even if that weren’t the case, I’d say that it still could’ve been a child who accidentally wandered off. That would explain why the figure appeared frightened. Then again, you’d think that they’d be crying. But, hey, children are odd; they’ll react indifferently to some horrific stuff but will shriek like a banshee when they see a spider.
Believe me, I would know—I still get terrified when I see a spider.
It’s also worth noting that costume parties are commonplace during Halloween, which further reinforces the idea that this could have been someone who was older; the appearance of it as a kid could have been a mask or makeup. It’s worth noting that a lot of horror media utilizes children or child-like appearances to instill fear. If this person were a horror aficionado, they likely wished to use that with their costume.
On top of that, this being a Halloween prank would explain why there was that “swarm of cops.” A lot of complaints are called in on Halloween, so it would make sense that they would’ve been pursuing the figure. Odds are, they had been antagonizing and scaring motorists and may have trespassed on private property. I wish I had a subscription to a newspaper archive to see if this has any merit, but I don’t. So, all I can do is present the idea as it is.
That said, there are a couple of issues with this theory. The first and most obvious is that we don’t know when this took place. It could have been long before Halloween, which would render a sizable part of the costume idea moot. It wouldn’t totally disprove it, but I’d say it would make it a bit less likely. It’s still possible that a bored teenager decided to have a bit of fun.
The second is that it requires both Ethan and Styles not to think of the idea that it was a Halloween prank. That would seem like a pretty bizarre thing to forget unless they don’t celebrate it.
Then again, we weren’t told when this incident happened. So, it’s probable that it wasn’t around Halloween. I suppose it depends on how much of an assumption you’re willing to make. Personally, as much as I dislike making them, I have to admit that it would fit this story quite well.
Ultimately, I’d say this theory has far more of a leg to stand upon than any of the others before it. Even if we discard the Halloween angle, the lack of information leaves the door wide open for so many explanations for the absent details, including the numerous issues I had about the street lights and Ethan not having his headlights on.
However, there is still one theory left to go over. You all likely know what it is, so I see no reason to keep you waiting. Let’s dive into the theory that I’ve been putting off for 9,433 words (yes, I counted). Now, then, tally-ho; onward, it’s time to round off the serious theories with a bang!
11. A hoax
Gee, I’m covering a story from About, and it has a theory that it was a hoax. Next, you’ll tell me that you can’t survive on the surface of Venus.
In an abnormal move by yours truly, this is the last theory (excluding the meme theory), and I did that for one very specific reason. There’s a detail I’ve been holding back bringing up because it makes this theory look really compelling.
What detail is that? Well, as you know, I’ve brought up from mentioning the “swarm of cops” that Ethan saw after driving off from where he saw the creature. However, there was something else that happened—something before that.
According to Ethan, prior to even seeing the creature, he saw a bunch of police cars speeding south on Central Avenue. He noted that they were to his left. Presumably, they drove right by him, so they must have seen him. Otherwise, there’s a chance they would have crashed into him.
Now, if any of these officers noticed this, one would have separated and pulled Ethan over (unless the call they were on was urgent, but judging by the sounds of it, the cops were all going to the 3-foot-tall pint-sized terror with no hair). If they weren’t, though, then I find it hard to believe that the Phoenix police department ignored a dangerous traffic violation.
If you’re wondering why I didn’t mention it earlier, I wanted to say this issue for this theory, lest I diminish the legitimacy of the other theories. In my eyes, this is a massive problem that raises two massive questions. The first is if the Phoenix police department is run by Chief Wiggum.
The second is why Ethan brought these cars up when he was on a completely separate road unless he’s implying these cars were driven by the “swarm of cops.” If that’s the case, then I need to remind you guys that North Central Avenue isn’t near Baseline Road—not that I can tell, anyway.
But, hey, maybe I’ve just misread everything, right? After all, there’s nothing dictating that Ethan didn’t have his headlights on. Well, if that’s the case, how did none of the cops notice the creature? Ethan said he noticed it right afterward. At least, that’s how he makes it sound. Don’t take my word for it; here’s what Styles wrote, apparently quoting his dear friend:
I was heading north on 7th St. about 2 a.m. As I approached Basline Rd., I could see to my left a line of cop cars racing at high speeds going south on Central Ave. On Basline Rd., there were no cars around that late at night. Then I saw what look like a child cross the road into the median into the bushes. I slowed to a stop and rolled down my window. What I saw scared the hell out of me!
I’m not crazy, right? How’d the cops not see the creature? If Ethan had his headlights off, why did none of them slow down to pull Ethan over? Who the heck is running the Phoenix police department that their officers are apparently a legion of blind shepherds?
WHY IS THIS STORY SO GEOGRAPHICALLY CONFUSING!?
I know that I usually start off by saying that there’s a reason why I don’t label things as hoaxes, but this detail—this one single detail—pokes a hole in the story so large that it could devour entire planets. This is the kind of issue that calls into question so much, and it makes it hard to treat the rest of the story without being skeptical of every word said.
That said, there are counterarguments that can be made, and there’s no acceptable way to dismiss them (in my eyes, of course).
Of course, one has to wonder why Styles would make up this story. He has nothing to gain from it, so he’d be wasting his time. This is a hill that I’ll die on. Nobody can stop me, baby!
The next issue is that this could be a product of terrible wording. The Internet isn’t filled with people who write like academics; plenty of people will cobble together messages with grammar that would make a kindergarten teacher’s brain turn into scrambled eggs. The idea that Styles didn’t throw his report together is nonsense.
Now, granted, it does beg the question as to how Ethan remembered everything. Styles. Let me remind you, dear reader, that Styles submitted this case to About in 2009. It supposedly happened in the mid-1990s. I’m quite shocked that Ethan was able to recall what roads he drove along that night. I can’t even remember what roads I frequently went down three years ago, despite having gone down them for over twenty years of my life!
At the same time, this could explain the flawed geography in the story. It’s something that I desperately wish I could ask Ethan or Styles, but I, sadly, can’t. It’s yet another case of me being left to make an assumption, and I don’t know what answer sounds better in my head (especially since I don’t know if the two men still resided in Phoenix when Styles sent in his report).
The last thing that’s going in this theory’s favor is that I could very easily be overanalyzing things. I’m autistic and tend to overcomplicate things, so I could very well be reading what Styles wrote and turn what is an innocuous error into something that is the worst thing since the creation of social media.
At the same time, when it comes to cases like this, I appreciate having the clarity of details. While I do frequently criticize About’s stories for lacking them, there are plenty that have enough for me to feel like I’m working with something. Last year was an example of that; the Sabertooth Lion Man, Shrieking Hulk, and 20-foot-tall Monster in Montana, while lacking in information, still gave me enough to work with without making me feel like I was grasping at straws. Thankfully, this is an exception to the rule as there will be plenty of stories from About this year that won’t suffer from this problem.
Even though Ethan’s sighting occurred over a decade prior to Styles submitting the report, I would think that certain details would be added to make it believable. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again, I don’t think I’m asking for too much when I say that if you see something strange, you should include as much information as you can so it doesn’t come across like you saw a blank canvas.
Nevertheless, I would be lying through my teeth if I said that this theory didn’t have more than a little going for it. After all, this is the Internet, and people lie all the time. Not only that, but if my overanalytical mind isn’t wrong, then the illogical details point to this being a blatant hoax. Of course, there will never be a conclusive way to prove that, so lingering on it is a waste of energy. So, let’s move on to the meme theory and get to my take.
12. Skinned Tom
Is anyone under the age of 25 going to even recognize that name? I don’t think that urban legend is told anymore. If it isn’t, that’s a shame. It’s a fantastic horror story. Seriously, go read it if you haven’t. Finish reading this write-up first, but still, read it! It’s one of my favorite urban legends ever because of how creepy the imagery is. God willing, I’ll one day write about it for the heck of it.
My Take
Alright, while I sounded adamant about the idea that this was a hoax, there are actually three theories that strike me as plausible. I’ll start with the obvious one, which is that it was a hoax.
I don’t need to really present much of an argument as to why I think this is the case. The lack of details, the inconsistencies, and the overall bizarre nature of everything make it feel like this was someone’s attempt at getting something posted to a website to mess with readers.
Couple that with how this occurred in the largest city in Arizona, and you have something that is outright unbelievable in every conceivable way. And for those who don’t know, Phoenix had a population of 1,135,000 in 1995 (assuming this incident occurred right in the middle of the 1990s). To put that into perspective, that’s an eighth of New York City’s population right now. Don’t take Phoenix for a small city. It’s enormous for a state as arid as Arizona.
There’s also the matter of absolutely nothing else being seen like this in Phoenix. With that hefty population, you’d think there would be more to this than one man’s lone sighting. It would be one thing if this was in the middle of a desert, but in a major metropolitan area, there should have been more eyewitnesses—even if for a fleeting moment in time. Unless a shadowy cryptid hunting organization came in, killed or tranquilized the creature, and took it away, there is no possible way that it could have been real. Ah, man, look at that; you killed my capability to utilize contractions with how far-fetched this case is!
Still, there are two other possibilities that I consider equally as strong. The first is that this was a prank. The Halloween prank scenario I presented is something that I consider extremely plausible for a multitude of reasons, but the main one is that you’re dealing with a city. The more people there are, the more likely you are to see activities like this. This wasn’t some small town where everyone knew everyone. This was a place with over a million people.
Now, granted, Phoenix does get blisteringly hot. However, if this person had lived their whole life there, I think it would stand to reason that they could handle the heat. I have friends who live in the Southern United States who are dumbfounded when I say that 60-degree weather (15 degrees Celsius) isn’t cold but rather comfortable and pleasant. This is because I resided in New York for most of his life. For me, the concept of “cold” comes in the form of a wind chill of -15 Fahrenheit (-26 Celsius).
I digress, though. The third theory that I think holds more than enough merit to be seriously considered is the sleep deprivation theory. While we may not know anything about Ethan’s sleep habits, let alone anything about him as a whole, the idea is still more than sufficient enough to explain an array of problems with the story. This includes the geographical issues that I went ballistic over. You could chalk those problems up to Ethan’s brain misremembering things.
Of course, one would expect Styles to correct his friend on this, but there’s still enough there on principle to think that this could be what happened. As I said, sleep deprivation can cause hallucinations, and people have seen figures on the road. Unless Styles wasn’t familiar with the roadways (which is possible; they could have lived in different parts of Phoenix at the time and not known much about those particular streets), I think it’d be a bit odd for Styles not to press one of his supposed best friends to clarify what he meant.
That said, of the three theories that I see as reasonable explanations, this is the weakest. Not only because of how little we know about Ethan but also because it doesn’t explain what the line of police cars was speeding toward, nor who—or what—the “swarm of cops” was pursuing. Unless they, too, were hallucinations, but I don’t know if sleep deprivation can be that intense. If it can, let me know in the comments; it would help greatly with future write-ups.
Still, if you asked me to throw money at it, I’d be willing to chuck a penny and see if I could receive a second one in return if I was correct. Who doesn’t like pennies? I sure do. They’re great for spinning on tabletops.
Anyway, as for the other theories, I think most of them have varying degrees of plausibility, but none of them are strong enough to stand on their own. Heck, I think the only way to draw a concrete conclusion with this case would be to get in contact with Ethan. Without having any direct quotes from him, this feels like one of those mysteries that is destined to gnaw at my brain for years to come.
Because of that, if I ever get a subscription to a newspaper archive, I’ll shift through various newspapers in Phoenix and Arizona as a whole to see if there was anything strange happening in Arizona around the mid-1990s. Until then, though, I think the most plausible explanation for this story is that it was a hoax. A close second would be a prank. Somewhere after that is sleep deprivation.
Meanwhile, the rest of the theories are camping in the Sonoran Desert, trying to fend off the local Fleshgaits with Nirvana CDs and posters of Bill Clinton. Smells like Arkansas spirit.
Conclusion
And so, another Decemystery entry comes to an end. What a wild and baffling journey this one was. Never in my life did I think I’d find myself having to mold the story in my own vision so much because I was left with so little to work with. It’s equal parts mesmerizing to reflect upon and… annoying.
Above all else, though, it’s fun. While I may get frustrated at times writing these lengthier write-ups, there will always be a part of me that is so happy and delighted when I finish them. It’s like unwrapping a Christmas present as a child, only I’m a grown adult who writes about weird stuff he finds online and posts it onto a blog he made for something that was never intended to be related to unsolved mysteries.
Anyway, just like the write-ups that preceded this one, this far exceeded my expectations in terms of the word count. In fact, it got to the point that I, once again, became self-conscious of how long it was. Despite that, I feel proud of myself for having grown to become more serious when it comes to analyzing theories. Even last year, I think I was a bit too light when touching upon certain things or outright dismissed them way too easily.
That said, I do worry that, once this is posted, someone is going to take a look at the tags and go, “Wow, I’m not reading all of that.” So, I have two questions for you today, dear reader. The first is what you think Ethan saw. Do you believe it was a cryptid? An alien? Or was it a prank? I would love to know; perhaps you can help shed some light on this strange tale for me.
The second is if you think that the length of these write-ups is going to be an issue when next year rolls around. Of course, with these having been written in advance, there’s no real way for me to stop them from being exceedingly long. However, I’d rather ask this now as opposed to when the capstone entry comes along.
As much fun as it is to see how far I’ve come in terms of my writing, I don’t want to exclude your opinion. After all, with your readership, this blog would be nothing more than me writing into the void. And let’s face it, that isn’t exactly ideal; I like knowing that someone out there enjoys reading these.
So, with that in mind, give me your answers in the comments below. Both would be welcomed with open arms. Also, as always, stay happy, stay healthy, and thank you for reading!
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